As I scrolled through my Instagram feed on Yogi Bhajan’s birthday, I came across a beautiful quote that had been posted by my teacher: Guru Jagat; founder of Ra Ma Institute in LA, about a 6-month Kundalini training created to empower and ignite women. It was called “Immense Grace”. A voice in my head said, "You must do this."
photo: Guru Jagat
Without needing to have any other encouragement or know all the logistics, I signed up on the spot, paid in full, and booked my flight for a weekend kickoff retreat in the Sequoias just a few days away. I knew with absolute certainty that it was going to be a powerful experience.
The entire weekend was spent with nearly 50 amazing women and it was an experience more powerful than anything I have ever been part of. Each morning began at 4am for sadhana, daily morning practice, followed by many hours in powerful kundalini kriya, the purpose of which was to ignite confidence in our own divine feminine selves and celebrate each other.
The nature around us seemed as if it noticed our presence and rejoiced in it. The world’s oldest tree, of 2200 years, kept us company as we meditated. After our weekend Kundalini marathon, rain began to grace the beautiful Sequoias, which had, until then, been in severe drought.
I had stayed within the limits of my comfort zone until the final night of our retreat. It was a beautiful evening. The perfect evening for a goddess dance-off! For this ceremony, each woman dressed up in her favorite gown and made an offering to the altar along with a special dance or song to the tribe who watched us in awe and jubilation.
I had never been so petrified to express myself in my entire life!
I knew I would have to step outside of my boundaries and allow myself to be free. We all came together to celebrate: to dance, sing, and express ourselves in the most feminine, vulnerable, confident, and elegant way that we knew how. At the end of the ceremony, I felt completely cracked open, supported, and fully liberated.
It was bittersweet to leave such a wonderful experience and such an empowering group of women.
Before my flight back to New York, I woke up for an early daily sadhana and then joined many of the other women from the retreat at Guru Jagat's class at Ra Ma. After a set that fired up the core to ignite power and radiance, Guru Jagat played mantras that completely crystallized all of the feelings that had transpired over the weekend.
During the second mantra, we placed our palms on our heart, right over left, and chanted. Instantly, I felt as if my entire heart had burst open.
I began crying tears of relief and happiness.
The only way to describe the incredible sensation I felt in that moment was comparable to what happens when you take muffins out of the oven and the tops gently crisp, puff, and begin to crack open.
The warmth I felt was new. It was so comforting. It felt like home. It felt like peace. Most importantly, it felt like a place I was always meant to be.
An unknown, gentle yet booming voice spoke to me: "Fern, you never have to be afraid. Everything you've ever wanted is waiting for you. It's all so close. You just need to listen. It's all here. You are destined for greatness. There is no need to worry, ever. I've got you. I always have, I always will."
At this moment, an image appeared in my mind. It was a very clear picture.
It was my future.
There was a big, white house on a hill in Malibu, where I would live and host yoga retreats and full moon meditations. “Of course. A white house,” I responded, with a smile.
Then, I saw the figure of a handsome, chiseled man. “Who is he? What is his name?” I asked the voice with full curiosity.
The voice replied:”Shhh... Be patient. I will show you. He is so close. He knows who you are and is waiting for you.”
There were visions of love, marriage, of children. I could feel relief wash over my entire body.
That’s when I began to wonder why I ever doubted myself.
Why did I ever think that I didn't deserve to have this?
Why have I been so afraid of my own power and my own success?
I give and give and give to everyone else around me; as a teacher I often put everyone else’s needs before mine.
I often forget that I, too, deserve love and happiness.
The voice answered:
“Why would you think you couldn’t have wealth, love, and beauty? You give and serve so many people. You are doing big work on this planet. This is why I brought you into this world. You are a saint and you need to keep going. Stay strong. Do not be afraid. You are being held and guided, you always are. You always will be.
I am going to give you everything you’ve ever wanted.
I’ve always tried to reach you, but you were to busy to listen. I am so glad I was finally able to.”
My legs became paralyzed. I had to force them out of easy pose, shake them, and set them into savasana as I settled down on my back. Breathing deeply, I felt almost as if light beams were shooting out of my fingers and toes. Tears continued to stream down my face. I felt like a completely new woman. All of my past insecurities and self-doubt had been transmuted into confidence and grace.
Over the past year, I experienced a complete transformation. I had left a corporate job in finance and a 6 year relationship; all to pursue my dream career as a yoga instructor and wellness entrepreneur, leading retreats and speaking around the world.
I’ve made the move across the country, from New York to Los Angeles, to share my work and passion for healing and collaboration. My passion has been to guide teachers, entrepreneurs and healers in the same practices that helped me crack my own “shell” and to help others get over their neurosis, fears, and self-sabotage.
It is time for us all to uplift and empower each other so we can step into the radiance that is our birthright. When we step into our radiance with confidence, our power to inspire and ignite each other and everyone around us is magnified. This, we absolutely must remember.
Students of life/the universe (aka anyone that is on a journey or wants to go on the journey of releasing all the negativity that is holding you back from stepping into your full potential in health, wealth and love) - I invite you to join me on an 8-week virtual retreat that will shift your belief systems on a cellular level - using breathwork, EFT, and other ancient healing modalities - so you can build the life of your dreams. It’s ok to desire prosperity and beauty as a spiritual teacher, in fact, it is your dharma.
If you're ready to Create Your Dreams on Purpose, I welcome you with open arms. Your future you, and everyone whom you come into contact with, will cherish this elevated you, too.
Click here to learn more about my 8-week virtual retreat and how you can learn practical tools for finding your life purpose and actually manifestating it - like I've done!